Your Way

Me and my brother are huge fans of F.R.I.E.N.D.S sitcom. We have watched it innumerable times. And we still love to watch it every single day. Today my brother had shared a pic which says All the three main female characters had babies in an unconventional way. Phoebe was a surrogate mother for her brother's babies, Rachel was a single mother and Monica adopted babies as she was unable to conceive. I actually never thought about it. I was like wowww!!!. I have watched this serial so many times but, not even once, the thought of their motherhood being unconventional crossed my mind. It felt so natural and normal and at the same time heart warming.

I know one of our family friend's relative who has married a widower who has a son from previous marriage. And the interesting part is, the kid loves his step grand parents(step-mom's parents) more than his own grand parents. he spends more time with his step grandparents and he is so much attached to his step mom.

The thing I learnt from this is,when we embrace something, it becomes natural and beautiful. Things are as strange and awkward as we make it. I have known people who have not lived up to "society's standards". I know people who have never been married, people who got divorced, people who are in live in relationship, people who adopted kids, people who don't have kids. I see one common thing amongst all of them, their willingness to lead a normal life. All of us want to lead a normal life. everyone has their choice and right to lead the life they want. If society points a finger at you, let them. They do that only because they are not happy in their "Conventional, Normal" life.

Be happy in your own way, no one needs to understand your ways..If you are at peace, the world has to find a way to stay quiet...

Endurance

One of my friends' relative lost her husband a couple of years back. I have met this person during my friends' wedding and this woman is a very beautiful, energetic and jovial person. She may be in her early forties, even though she looks like she is in her early thirties. When I heard that her husband passed away, I was really shocked and saddened.
They have 100 acres of coffee estate and their house is in the coffee estate, so there are no other houses nearby. Their kids are studying in the city and they stay in a hostel and not with their parents.So it was just husband and wife living there. They have a family staying with them, who look after the plantations.

After her husband's demise, she was devastated. Relatives asked her to sell the estate and move to the city with her kids. But she was not ready, she did not want to leave her husband's memories. She recovered from the big blow life had thrown at her. She started looking after the plantations all alone, without anyone's help. She started taking courses in Pepper plantations and started working on it. They are now having much more profit than before. She still remembers her husband. It saddens her, but she has found a way of making her husband happy by doing something which was a part of his life.

I learnt a few things from this:
1. When the situation goes worse, and when it's not under our control, we have two options, either sit and cry or do something about it. Turn that negative energy in to building energy, creative energy.
2. There is no way of getting people back  who have left us, at least physically. But we can always find them in our memories. Create something out of those memories. Find happiness in that.
3. Love can be shown in different ways. Love can be shown even when you know that your partner is never going to know about your love. Love is just present that's all. True love does not need acknowledgement.
4. Lastly, love the people around you, because we don't know when it's too late. You may get irritated when your family keeps calling you when you are in a meeting, or your spouse keeps nagging you to do something or wants to spend more time with you. God Forbid, but we don't know future. We may long to get those calls and never get them, we want someone to keep watching us and tell them what to do and what not, but we may never have that again.

Have faith in God, Live Love Laugh and move forward.
Hats off to this wonderful woman.May God give her more strength and courage.

Meditation

I stay almost 20 kms away from work. I commute through office bus everyday. It takes me 1 hour to reach office in the morning and 1 and half hours to reach back home due to considerably increased traffic during peak hours in the evening. Many people have suggested me that I should move near office so that I can avoid spending 2 and half hours every day in the bus. But I have my own reasons why I stay this far. Some of them being, the place where I stay is pretty neat, clean, the locality is quite developed with multiple shopping malls, restaurants etc. Nice place to hang out. The people in whose house I am staying as paying guest are really nice, I get good food here and many more. Recently I found one more reason to stay this far and that is "Meditation". Sounds weird isn't it? Hear me out. Meditation does not always mean closing your eyes and chanting a mantra. There are other kinds of meditation too. I usually spend most of the commute time in reading books or on a call or listening music. Nowadays I have come up with one more way of spending time: meditating on things which bother me. It could be work related stress or family problems, personal problems, could be anything. 

We are lucky enough to travel in a comfortable AC bus, which is not crowded. I sit in the last seat of the bus, so no one can see me, which makes me comfortable. If my mind is troubled, I just sit there look outside the window and thoughts automatically keep coming to my mind one after the other. And I make sure that I feel as bad as possible for whatever I am experiencing. I argue with people in my mind, I think of all the reasons why I am right and they are wrong.Once I am done with all this self boasting, my mind calms down and slowly I start to realise that if I go ahead and start an argument with that person or if I do certain thing which affects another person, what will be the consequence? And every single time, the consequences are bad or harsh. Then I think of an alternative, what if I do not react or react in a certain way. And every single time, this gives a possibility of positive consequence. By the time I reach my house, all the trouble in my mind would have settled down and I feel so much at peace with myself. The next day, when I face the people or situation which caused stress and panic in me, I feel so much at ease and peaceful.

 In this fast moving world, no one has even 10 minutes time to keep aside for themselves. Even when people are in bus, i have seen them checking their phones all the time, or being on call. It's ok to do all that. But it should not be the only thing you do. We need  time to analyse and we need time to understand, so that we grow as humans. No one around us is doing this contemplation. At least if we make an effort, we can make our lives much easier and worthy of living..

Life and Death

Last weekend, we visited one of Dad's friends' place. His wife had passed away just three days back and Dad wanted to meet him and talk to him and his family. When we reached their house, there were already around 20 to 25 people in their living room. I assume they were family,relatives and neighbours. As we started talking, we came to know that she was in good health, had her breakfast in the morning, did all housework and suddenly started complaining about stomach ache.They called for Doctor to their house and the Doctor suggested to take her to the hospital. And on the way to the Hospital she passed away. This all happened in the span of twenty minutes. The relatives were all describing how nice a woman she was, who always had a smiling face and never got in to an argument with anyone and things like that. Dad listened to everything carefully and I know it is difficult to say anything during these times. But somehow Dad wanted to make him understand few things. When My Dad started speaking, the whole room feel silent and everyone listened attentively. These are some of the things he said that day:


1. You should be happy because she did not go through lot of pain. There are people who go bedridden for months and years. It becomes so difficult for them as well as people around them to endure that pain.
2. People who have done "Punya"(good deeds) get a death like this which is so painless.
3. And death is something which is unavoidable. That is the ultimate truth and all of us are in the queue waiting for our turn. We just don't know when will that be.
4. It is easy to say all these things, but in reality difficult to cope with the loss of a loved one. You can visit temples or ashramas or any spiritual meets that happen participate in these and try to forget your pain.


When my Dad was saying these things, I could see that he was saying them from his heart. I could sense the pain in his heart and everyone present over there. I also felt that Dad's friend was a little bit convinced. And me, who has never met his wife and seeing her family for the first time had a lump in my throat and was fighting back my tears.

Family

Last weekend I went to my hometown. Spent two beautiful days with my parents and sister. When I was coming back, due to some reason I was going through emotional crisis. The auto was about to arrive to take me to the bus station and here I am, heartbroken and in tears. I was not sure what I should do next. I was not able to do anything, suddenly life seemed meaningless and I just wanted to kill myself. My parents who are unaware of this situation were all happy and talkative. Mom was asking so many questions about what will I be eating , what should she pack for me to eat once I reach Bangalore. Dad was asking me about the new spectacles I got. I was feeling so nervous inside I could not even speak and then, I broke down. I told my dad things and people who are bothering me. I started crying, then mom came and asked. I told her the same thing. I was so embarrassed to tell my problems to them. I thought they will think less of me, because both my siblings seem to have a steady life and I have always been the one with problems. So i kept things to myself assuming that my parents may think I am a cry baby. But this one time  I just could not hold back my tears. When I explained the situation, Both of them were so cool and supportive. They explained to me, how I should ignore these silly things. Mom told so many nice qualities in me and a girl like me deserves to be happy. I really did not expect that. It felt so good to hear her say those things and this was special for me because my Mom is not very good at expressing her feelings even if it is her own daughter. And I always talk more with my Dad and very less with Mom. That is why I felt so nice hearing those things from her. Even Dad was so calm and patient as always, imparting wisdom. I think my Dad will never run out of things to teach me.


I am a very stubborn person and very sensitive. I feel I should come with a warning sign "Handle with Care!!!" :)Till now, no one has been able to handle me other than my family.  If you are a person who seem tough from outside and not ready to take cr_p from people, people think that you have got an attitude, they decide that you have problems. But no one seems to understand how kind, sensitive and loving you could be. Only your parents know that. I feel lucky that God has blessed me with a wonderful family who are never judgemental. They love me despite my idiosyncrasies, my flaws  and my insecurities. They are the only ones who know that I am capable of love, much more than anyone could ever know. All of us are in a particular family for a reason. Love your family. You should be lucky to have them. There are many people out there who seem nice at first, but they can only take so much of you. Your family is the one thing that loves you through all ups and downs of life. People in your life come and go. Your career, your work keeps changing. But what remains still and steady is your family. Love your family and feel loved:)
Cheers to a loving and close knit family!!!

Make the Best Out of it!!

Today, I was reading about this one Princess of Jaipur HH Maharani Gayatri Devi. She was born in a Royal Family in 1919, then was married to the Prince of Jaipur in 1940. She was known for her exquisite beauty. She was very beautiful and also she was the fashion icon during her younger days. She was once included in Vogue magazine's 10 most beautiful women list. And also she was talented and was strong and influential enough to run for the parliament and win. If you look at her life as a third person, any one would become jealous. Beauty, wealth, intelligence, anything a woman would want. She had everything and she lived a full life. She passed away at the age of 90 in 2009. Now, my question is what will happen now? If you are a believer in reincarnation, her soul will take birth again. There is a very low chance that she will take birth in a Royal family. We have no idea where will she be born, Could be in Africa, America or India or any other remote country or a remote village. She may not look the way she used to look in her previous birth, she won't be born with a silver spoon. There could be lot of possibilities. It kind of breaks my heart a little to think about that.

Now forget about the Royal Family, forget about beauty. Think about yourself. Hasn't God given us enough? we have a loving family, a good job, a good place to live and a good enough status in the society. We have no idea, what will we be in our next birth. The truth is, we don't know what will we be next year or may be a decade from now. If things turn out to be better than today, God's grace. But there are other possibilities too. Isn't it better if we value what we have today, appreciate it, be grateful for what we have. Be nice to people in your life, Take care of yourself, that way you can take care of your loved ones. Say I Love You to people who matter to you, even if they don't take it seriously. Call your parents everyday. Talk to your siblings. Let your friends know that you are there. Give your 100% at work. Love what you do. Most of all, do not have regrets at any point. This is one chance which is given to us and we are sure of. This is one life which we have more control than we think. Make the best out of it!!

Lat week, I watched this documentary about a woman named Joyce Vincent, who died in her apartment in 2003, and her body was found in 2006. They found her body in the living room and the TV was still on. It was so heart breaking. How can someone disappear from this world, and no one cares about it, for three long years? So they put these banners everywhere in the city, asking "Do you know Joyce Vincent?". Some of her ex-boyfriends, friends and ex-colleagues came forward. And when they were interviewed it was found that, she was a very fun loving person, very beautiful and attractive. Everyone would want to talk to her, be friends with her. But 3 to 4 years before her death, she started isolating herself from everyone. Her family, friends,colleagues. She resigned from her job,  She would run away from old friends who would bump in to her on the street.

When we hear about this incident, we feel bad that why none of her family was concerned, or  none of her friends were concerned? I can't imagine my family being not worried about me, even for 3 days, let alone 3 years and I assume, that is the case with most of us. So our first thought would be that it's her family and friends who are indifferent and don't care. But that is not true.
Love and care are not free in this world. You have to give love and care to get it back. Sometimes even if someone loves us, they can't show it, just because we don't want it, or at least we behave like we don't want it. Now, none of us are in her position, so we can't be judgemental nor we can say she was wrong. But this is just a hypothesis, derived from the events as they seem.

It wouldn't hurt for us to smile at a neighbour, or call an old friend once in a while, make friends who are worth keeping. Never isolate yourself from the world. Its good to be in solitude, but loneliness is the one that hurts.