I was watching the sitcom How I Met Your Mother yesterday. A huge fight takes place between lily and Marshall( husband and wife). And lily storms out. Now Marshall starts having conversation with imaginary lily or ghost lily. And he wins the argument.he asks ghost lily ' that's it? I win? She thought I am gonna lose!'
Then lily says ' you are gonna lose' ,you are gonna lose this. (Making a hand gesture as if showing connection between them)If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like winning and losing when you talk about our marriage. It's not like it'll happen all at once, but if you keep acting this way, little by little you're gonna lose me.
Then lily says ' you are gonna lose' ,you are gonna lose this. (Making a hand gesture as if showing connection between them)If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like winning and losing when you talk about our marriage. It's not like it'll happen all at once, but if you keep acting this way, little by little you're gonna lose me.
Isn't that so true? When we win an argument with our partner we think we won. When our ego wins over our love, we think we won. Don't you think you are losing the connection with that person? Little by little, day by day, we lose them, and before we realise ,they are gone. And that's when we start seeing the goodness of the person and what we have lost. And it will be too late by then. Why do marriages fall apart? Why do break ups happen? Because of our ego and our obsession to win. If you love the person with whom you are, then before letting your ego take action, try to calm down and think what you can do about it.
Try to follow these steps
1. When you get upset or angry with your partner, instead of getting judgemental and start fighting, just calm down, take deep breaths and be silent.
2. Once you feel you are in control of the words coming out of your mouth, talk to your partner.
3. And when you talk do not use harsh tone, just get to know their view and once you hear them out, let them know how you are feeling and not what they did. Do not point at their actions, instead show them your feelings.
4. If talking is not working out, give them space and make sure they don't think you are doing this out of anger. When you text them during this period, keep it simple and friendly
5. Go out with your friends and do whatever you like to do during this period. Do not stalk your partner. Give them a chance to live their life and you start living yours.
6. Once they come back to you, be welcoming. Do not remind them of what they did. They know it deep down. That's why they have come back. If you start the same thing again, may be they will think it was a stupid idea to come back.
7. If they do not come back, it's never a loss. Move on with life. You might have learnt something from this relationship. Keep that with you always and move on. May be something better is waiting for you.
1. When you get upset or angry with your partner, instead of getting judgemental and start fighting, just calm down, take deep breaths and be silent.
2. Once you feel you are in control of the words coming out of your mouth, talk to your partner.
3. And when you talk do not use harsh tone, just get to know their view and once you hear them out, let them know how you are feeling and not what they did. Do not point at their actions, instead show them your feelings.
4. If talking is not working out, give them space and make sure they don't think you are doing this out of anger. When you text them during this period, keep it simple and friendly
5. Go out with your friends and do whatever you like to do during this period. Do not stalk your partner. Give them a chance to live their life and you start living yours.
6. Once they come back to you, be welcoming. Do not remind them of what they did. They know it deep down. That's why they have come back. If you start the same thing again, may be they will think it was a stupid idea to come back.
7. If they do not come back, it's never a loss. Move on with life. You might have learnt something from this relationship. Keep that with you always and move on. May be something better is waiting for you.
Always, always give your 100%. If that 100% is not enough for someone, then it's not your problem. But do not ruin a relationship when all that person is looking for is 50% of what you've got, and just because of your ego, you are giving 10% when you are actually capable of 100%.
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