Life and Death

Last weekend, we visited one of Dad's friends' place. His wife had passed away just three days back and Dad wanted to meet him and talk to him and his family. When we reached their house, there were already around 20 to 25 people in their living room. I assume they were family,relatives and neighbours. As we started talking, we came to know that she was in good health, had her breakfast in the morning, did all housework and suddenly started complaining about stomach ache.They called for Doctor to their house and the Doctor suggested to take her to the hospital. And on the way to the Hospital she passed away. This all happened in the span of twenty minutes. The relatives were all describing how nice a woman she was, who always had a smiling face and never got in to an argument with anyone and things like that. Dad listened to everything carefully and I know it is difficult to say anything during these times. But somehow Dad wanted to make him understand few things. When My Dad started speaking, the whole room feel silent and everyone listened attentively. These are some of the things he said that day:


1. You should be happy because she did not go through lot of pain. There are people who go bedridden for months and years. It becomes so difficult for them as well as people around them to endure that pain.
2. People who have done "Punya"(good deeds) get a death like this which is so painless.
3. And death is something which is unavoidable. That is the ultimate truth and all of us are in the queue waiting for our turn. We just don't know when will that be.
4. It is easy to say all these things, but in reality difficult to cope with the loss of a loved one. You can visit temples or ashramas or any spiritual meets that happen participate in these and try to forget your pain.


When my Dad was saying these things, I could see that he was saying them from his heart. I could sense the pain in his heart and everyone present over there. I also felt that Dad's friend was a little bit convinced. And me, who has never met his wife and seeing her family for the first time had a lump in my throat and was fighting back my tears.

Family

Last weekend I went to my hometown. Spent two beautiful days with my parents and sister. When I was coming back, due to some reason I was going through emotional crisis. The auto was about to arrive to take me to the bus station and here I am, heartbroken and in tears. I was not sure what I should do next. I was not able to do anything, suddenly life seemed meaningless and I just wanted to kill myself. My parents who are unaware of this situation were all happy and talkative. Mom was asking so many questions about what will I be eating , what should she pack for me to eat once I reach Bangalore. Dad was asking me about the new spectacles I got. I was feeling so nervous inside I could not even speak and then, I broke down. I told my dad things and people who are bothering me. I started crying, then mom came and asked. I told her the same thing. I was so embarrassed to tell my problems to them. I thought they will think less of me, because both my siblings seem to have a steady life and I have always been the one with problems. So i kept things to myself assuming that my parents may think I am a cry baby. But this one time  I just could not hold back my tears. When I explained the situation, Both of them were so cool and supportive. They explained to me, how I should ignore these silly things. Mom told so many nice qualities in me and a girl like me deserves to be happy. I really did not expect that. It felt so good to hear her say those things and this was special for me because my Mom is not very good at expressing her feelings even if it is her own daughter. And I always talk more with my Dad and very less with Mom. That is why I felt so nice hearing those things from her. Even Dad was so calm and patient as always, imparting wisdom. I think my Dad will never run out of things to teach me.


I am a very stubborn person and very sensitive. I feel I should come with a warning sign "Handle with Care!!!" :)Till now, no one has been able to handle me other than my family.  If you are a person who seem tough from outside and not ready to take cr_p from people, people think that you have got an attitude, they decide that you have problems. But no one seems to understand how kind, sensitive and loving you could be. Only your parents know that. I feel lucky that God has blessed me with a wonderful family who are never judgemental. They love me despite my idiosyncrasies, my flaws  and my insecurities. They are the only ones who know that I am capable of love, much more than anyone could ever know. All of us are in a particular family for a reason. Love your family. You should be lucky to have them. There are many people out there who seem nice at first, but they can only take so much of you. Your family is the one thing that loves you through all ups and downs of life. People in your life come and go. Your career, your work keeps changing. But what remains still and steady is your family. Love your family and feel loved:)
Cheers to a loving and close knit family!!!

Make the Best Out of it!!

Today, I was reading about this one Princess of Jaipur HH Maharani Gayatri Devi. She was born in a Royal Family in 1919, then was married to the Prince of Jaipur in 1940. She was known for her exquisite beauty. She was very beautiful and also she was the fashion icon during her younger days. She was once included in Vogue magazine's 10 most beautiful women list. And also she was talented and was strong and influential enough to run for the parliament and win. If you look at her life as a third person, any one would become jealous. Beauty, wealth, intelligence, anything a woman would want. She had everything and she lived a full life. She passed away at the age of 90 in 2009. Now, my question is what will happen now? If you are a believer in reincarnation, her soul will take birth again. There is a very low chance that she will take birth in a Royal family. We have no idea where will she be born, Could be in Africa, America or India or any other remote country or a remote village. She may not look the way she used to look in her previous birth, she won't be born with a silver spoon. There could be lot of possibilities. It kind of breaks my heart a little to think about that.

Now forget about the Royal Family, forget about beauty. Think about yourself. Hasn't God given us enough? we have a loving family, a good job, a good place to live and a good enough status in the society. We have no idea, what will we be in our next birth. The truth is, we don't know what will we be next year or may be a decade from now. If things turn out to be better than today, God's grace. But there are other possibilities too. Isn't it better if we value what we have today, appreciate it, be grateful for what we have. Be nice to people in your life, Take care of yourself, that way you can take care of your loved ones. Say I Love You to people who matter to you, even if they don't take it seriously. Call your parents everyday. Talk to your siblings. Let your friends know that you are there. Give your 100% at work. Love what you do. Most of all, do not have regrets at any point. This is one chance which is given to us and we are sure of. This is one life which we have more control than we think. Make the best out of it!!

Lat week, I watched this documentary about a woman named Joyce Vincent, who died in her apartment in 2003, and her body was found in 2006. They found her body in the living room and the TV was still on. It was so heart breaking. How can someone disappear from this world, and no one cares about it, for three long years? So they put these banners everywhere in the city, asking "Do you know Joyce Vincent?". Some of her ex-boyfriends, friends and ex-colleagues came forward. And when they were interviewed it was found that, she was a very fun loving person, very beautiful and attractive. Everyone would want to talk to her, be friends with her. But 3 to 4 years before her death, she started isolating herself from everyone. Her family, friends,colleagues. She resigned from her job,  She would run away from old friends who would bump in to her on the street.

When we hear about this incident, we feel bad that why none of her family was concerned, or  none of her friends were concerned? I can't imagine my family being not worried about me, even for 3 days, let alone 3 years and I assume, that is the case with most of us. So our first thought would be that it's her family and friends who are indifferent and don't care. But that is not true.
Love and care are not free in this world. You have to give love and care to get it back. Sometimes even if someone loves us, they can't show it, just because we don't want it, or at least we behave like we don't want it. Now, none of us are in her position, so we can't be judgemental nor we can say she was wrong. But this is just a hypothesis, derived from the events as they seem.

It wouldn't hurt for us to smile at a neighbour, or call an old friend once in a while, make friends who are worth keeping. Never isolate yourself from the world. Its good to be in solitude, but loneliness is the one that hurts.

Winning and Losing

I was watching the sitcom How I Met Your Mother yesterday. A huge fight takes place between lily and Marshall( husband and wife). And lily storms out. Now Marshall starts having conversation with imaginary lily or ghost lily. And he wins the argument.he asks ghost lily ' that's it? I win? She thought I am gonna lose!'
Then lily says ' you are gonna lose' ,you are gonna lose this. (Making a hand gesture as if showing connection between them)If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like winning and losing when you talk about our marriage. It's not like it'll happen all at once, but if you keep acting this way, little by little you're gonna lose me.

Isn't that so true? When we win an argument with our partner we think we won. When our ego wins over our love, we think we won. Don't you think you are losing the connection with that person? Little by little, day by day, we lose them, and before we realise ,they are gone. And that's when we start seeing the goodness of the person and what we have lost. And it will be too late by then. Why do marriages fall apart? Why do break ups happen? Because of our ego and our obsession to win. If you love the person with whom you are, then before letting your ego take action, try to calm down and think what you can do about it.

 Try to follow these steps
1. When you get upset or angry with your partner, instead of getting judgemental and start fighting, just calm down, take deep breaths and be silent.
2. Once you feel you are in control of the words coming out of your mouth, talk to your partner.
3. And when you talk do not use harsh tone, just get to know their view and once you hear them out, let them know how you are feeling and not what they did. Do not point at their actions, instead show them your feelings.
4. If talking is not working out, give them space and make sure they don't think you are doing this out of anger. When you text them during this period, keep it simple and friendly
5. Go out with your friends and do whatever you like to do during this period. Do not stalk your partner. Give them a chance to live their life and you start living yours.
6. Once they come back to you, be welcoming. Do not remind them of what they did. They know it deep down. That's why they have come back. If you  start the same thing again, may be they will think it was a stupid idea to come back.
7. If they do not come back, it's never a loss. Move on with life. You might have learnt something from this relationship. Keep that with you always and move on. May be something better is waiting for you.

Always, always give your 100%. If that 100% is not enough for someone, then it's not your problem. But do not ruin a relationship when all that person is looking for is 50% of what you've got, and just because of your ego, you are  giving 10% when you are actually capable of 100%.

Today I booked a cab to go to office. The cab arrived on time, when we were on our way, the cab driver got a phone call. And after the call, the driver requested me to book another cab as he has to immediately go somewhere. He said his friend passed away. I told him that I am sorry to hear that and asked him what happened? He told me that his friend fell down from the bike two months back and had a very bad leg injury. As they did not take care of it properly, it turned in to cancer. He also told me that he got married just 6 months back and his wife is pregnant. I felt a lump in my throat after hearing this.

I was thinking, how fragile the human life is. That girl would have never thought that she would be widowed in six months. All she can hold on to are those memories of six months. So many times in our lives, we take people for granted. We sure do love them, but we forget to show that love. We get ourselves involved in petty arguments and misunderstandings. We don't know how long we have got them or they have got us. Life is too short, Life is too uncertain.

So...Keep Loving..Be Happy and Just Live your life to the fullest...

Stardust

There is so much more to life than we can comprehend. There is so much more to this Universe we are living in, How insignificant we are and our problems when you could actually understand where you stand in this Universe. So many times I sit and worry about lot of things, some of which I have control over and some of which I do not or rather I am too lazy to take control. But end of the day what matters? How I feel is what matters or how I choose to feel is what matters. Not what this person said or that person did, Not how much I earn or how much I spend. It's just what I feel, is what matters. Many times I think when a person who is close to you dies, a part of you dies, When my grand mother passed away recently, I felt that. I have so many childhood memories with her, so many memories with her even in the recent years, when she passed away I felt a big loss, I felt so helpless and felt a void in my heart. Even in a relationship, when a person leaves, you feel a void, something which can never be filled. A part of you which is dead. A death of a relationship is as painful as the death of a person, But then, I thought of this, how about we don't let it die? what if my memories are the only thing which is alive? I have many memories with grandma. Why can't I save them? why can't I keep them alive? If someone loses in a relationship, then let them nurture those memories which are the only things alive in the relationship. Use them to understand yourself and improve yourself. After all, we are Stardust, Can you imagine?
We have the power to shine and to reflect. We have the power to be as beautiful as we can. Why waste all that in pouting,brooding and being sad. Be the best you can be in loving someone. Doesn't matter if they are alive, doesn't matter if they no longer exist in your life physically. Just love them with all your heart, because that is what you are supposed to do. That is the only way to happiness, They can feel you, even if they can't see, even if they can;t hear. They will feel you and that is what is important.