The Suspicion Bug

Today, I completed watching the TV series “He knew he was right”. It is a story about a man, who suspects his wife of betrayal and ultimately turns mad and dies in his own creation of hell. Louis loves his wife Emily more than anything else in the world. They are happily married and have a child together. During this time, Emily’s father’s friend Colonel Osborne who is also her Godfather begins to visit her everyday in her husband’s absence. The rumours start spreading, people start talking about them. Louis hears this and it disturbs him a lot. He asks his wife to give him a promise of not seeing this person again. She finds it very offensive that her husband does not trust her and refuses to give him the promise. This makes Louise more suspicious and the misunderstandings between them begin to grow. One thing leads to another and they decide to get separated. Louise sends his wife to his friend’s place and appoints a detective to spy on her. When Emily is away from her husband, the Colonel visits her again under some silly pretences. Emily agrees to see him because she thinks she has not done anything wrong and refusing to see the colonel means she is admitting that she has something to feel guilty about. Even though Emily meets colonel along with her sister, the news goes to her husband from the detective saying that his wife met Colonel Osborne. Louise is devastated to hear this. As days pass by his suspicion grows more and more inside him. He stops taking care of himself and his health. He begins to weaken mentally and physically day by day. He goes abroad, stays away from everyone, but his suspicion does not die. He still loves his wife but could not somehow trust her. Finally, in this own creation of hell, he dies a painful death. His life and everyone else’s life around him, a perfectly beautiful life shatters one piece at a time because of one bug of suspicion in a man for his wife.

The Tv series is very well directed and the acting skills are profound. The way they show the deterioration of Louise, his wife’s infinite love and care for him despite everything which is happening between them, her parent’s support for her and his friend’s concern about him, is very well directed and portrayed. It was very interesting as well as painful to watch this. While watching this movie some thoughts came to my mind. Jotting down some of them here:

1.       Take time to understand or trust your partner before you commit to the relationship. But once you do, never for a second think otherwise. Suspicion is a fire that burns you alive.

2.       Sometimes, when you are in a relationship, you have to keep your ego aside and do and say things which will keep the relationship in peace. If Emily had promised her husband that she won’t see Osborne again, all this wouldn't have happened. Just one word would have been enough. But instead she got offended and refused to make the promise. Jealousy is very common in a relationship. May be it is immature but it shows the presence of love and care. A person becomes jealous to see you with other person not because he doesn't trust you, may be because he doesn't trust the other person involved. It is very common to behave that way. But being the sensible one in the relationship, we need to win the trust of the person. Once the trust is strong, the relationships built over them will be strong and last a life time.

3.       If you are a friend or a well-wisher of any married couple, please maintain a distance. If you want to meet them, meet them when they are together. If your presence is creating ripples of mistrust between husband and wife, just withdraw yourself from that situation. If you really, care about them, pray for them. Do not be the reason for breaking a marriage.

4.       Relationships are all about trust, love and care. To achieve a successful relationship one has to compromise and understand. And once the bug of suspicion enters your mind, it will grow day in and day out and will not let you live in peace. Believe me, if you trust your partner 100% it is very unlikely that he/she will have the guts to cheat on you. Even if they cheat on you and go with someone else, they will never be able to forget you. When you love someone, love them with all your heart. The relationship may fail, but you will never fail.

5.       At the same time, if you start suspecting, there are two possibilities. Either you are right or wrong. If you are right, you will be hurt very deeply. If you are wrong, you will be hurt and also you will be hurting your partner and putting your perfect relationship in jeopardy.

It takes two people to build a relationship, but one is enough to break.  Take full responsibility in a relationship and don’t ever be the reason for breaking it. 

Passive Resistance

Last week when I was at home, me and Dad were having a discussion and Leo Tolstoy’s name came up. Dad said he is a saint. I know that people used to call him Prophet or the living saint, but I did not know my Dad is one of them. We spoke about his works, and Dad seemed really upset about the way he died in a Railway Station. I am not a Tolstoyan myself but, I believe in the power of non-violence. Violence comes easy, the trigger for violence is Anger and hatred. But non-violence requires maturity of the mind, patience and love.  People may obey Violence out of fear and helplessness, but they will bow to non-violence out of respect. 

It amazes me how, one person that is Leo Tolstoy made the whole of Russia as well as the whole world to follow him, recognize him and remember him for eternity. All he preached was love. He wrote all his property to the people of Russia during his last days. His wife was completely against this idea. She would fight with him and behave like a hysteric woman. Even though he loved his wife, he never gave up his decision to donate all the money to people. Even it meant, leaving his own house. He had some devoted disciples and followers who took care of him and when his health deteriorated, he was given a place in the Railway station in southern Russia to stay. People say that even Mahatma Gandhi was influenced by his principles and they used to correspond through letters. And yet he was so humble, modest, full of love and down to earth.  

Leo Tolstoy, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther king, these are the people who believed in just one simple Principle “Passive Resistance” or “Non-Violence”.  Whole world followed them in their fight and in their belief.  May be 1947 was the last time in India when people spoke about non-violence and 1910 in Russia(Death of Leo Tolstoy) We no longer have leaders who strive and struggle for the benefit of the society. There is no point for us to sit and wait for the world to change in the hands of our so called leaders.Once Leo Tolstoy asked a group of people “Do you think I am the future of this Country? No. you are the future of this country”. We, the people of this earth are responsible for all the war and peace here.

Each one of us have the potential to bring change in this world. Believe in a principle. Follow that to every word, no matter who opposes you, no matter how much you are ridiculed. You may get one person who may understand you at first, then the word may spread and one more person may join and yet another. Let the snowball roll. Let the butterfly effect begin.. All we need to do is just flap our wings…

Is Anybody There?

Last Sunday I watched this movie “Is Anybody There?”.  Awesome performance by Bill Milner and Michael Caine. The movie is about the friendship which grows between a retired magician and a 10 year old boy whose parents run an old age home. The boy is obsessed with ghosts and life after death. He is also unhappy that his house is filled with old people. But his parents explain to him that because of their financial problems, they have no other go other than running this home.  An old retired magician by the name Clarence comes to their old age home reluctantly. He has lost his wife and grieves for her, every single minute of his life. Initially, the boy, Edward is very angry that this old man has taken over his room and they do not get along. Slowly the antagonism between them turns in to friendship. Clarence teaches the kid, some magic tricks, asks him to socialise with living beings rather than being interested in dead people. At the same time, the kid helps Clarence to achieve peace with his past.

It is amazing how our mind plays tricks on us. When we are kids, we have a wonderful imagination, life of fantasies and dreams. As we grow old, we start to realise that these are just in our imagination. Real life very much different. And may be when we are at the dusk of our life, we are either bitter or boring.  When we are young, we don’t understand what old people are going through. So many years of hardship has made them what they are now. But funny thing is we forget that one day we will be that old. One day we may also turn grumpy. At the same time, when people grow old, they forget that they were kids once. Sometimes, looking at situations with a curious eye and a simple mind like a kid helps to solve lot of complex problems.

There is a child in every old man and an old man is growing in every child...

Being Single!

Today, I was reading this article about enjoying your life being single.

Then I thought, being single is not as tough as you think. I was discussing with one of my friends today and I got to know that this friend of mine thinks that getting in to a marriage is like getting in to the "moha"(Delusion). May be a vicious circle. I am not against marriage or people being together, but we are not sure what we are getting in to. Human mind is very complex and very unpredictable. No matter how much you know a person, there comes a time when this person acts in a complete strange way which may overwhelm us, or disappoint us or even hurt us. But again, marriages are all about compromise. Either being single or committed, everything comes with a list of Pros and Cons.

As I am a single woman and I like to be optimistic, I just wanted to write down some benefits of being Single.

Benefits of being single (Enjoy While it lasts!):

1. After your office hours and during weekends you are free as a bird, you don't have to do what your spouse/bf/gf says. You can make your own plans.

2. You don’t have to be accountable for anyone for anything you do. You can get up any time you want, wear whatever you like, go for a walk, sit and watch your favourite movie/serial how many ever times you want.

3. You can talk to any one you wish to, without feeling guilty.

4. You can just sit and read whole day without getting disturbed by anyone.

5. You can be online, any time of the day or night, no one will question you. (At least not with authority)

6. There is no space for getting hurt because your spouse/bf/gf behaved in a certain way or said certain things.

7. And there is always this uncertainty of the future (as you don’t know who your spouse is going to be) which makes life so interesting.

The list goes on.. Overall being single brings you freedom of speech, thought and deed...

P.S. I am not against marriage, but I am against getting married just for the sake of "Log Kya Kahenge".

World of Dimensions

Today when I was watching my favourite TV series FRIENDS, one of the main characters in the series, Rachel yells at Monica Geller and her brother Ross Geller when they both try to involve her in their fight. She says, "I refuse to get sucked in to your weird Geller Dimension". That phrase "Geller Dimension" caught my attention. All of us live in our own dimension. We have this world

which we have created  around us.We are comfortable in that. We love to live in that.

But there are people who also live in their own dimension, but suck you in to theirs. Once you are in their dimension, you start seeing things their way, you pursue things like they do. Now, as long as this dimension is comfortable, it's good. But this will start to suffocate you one day. You lose your identity. You have left your space and entered another’s. Now does not matter how hospitable this is, it will feel foreign one day, or they will start making you feel foreign. Now that you are inside this, there is no easy way getting out of it.

There is one more kind of dimension thing which happens to all of us.People who are experiencing extreme bad mood or extreme good mood have the ability to suck you very easily in to their dimension. If they are in a good mood, then it's a treat to be sucked in to that dimension but if they are not, then it's a hell. Automatically, your normal dimension is gone and you are inside an awful dimension and whether you want it or not, you have to go through the repercussions.

The negative dimensions are stronger than the positive ones. So please stay away. Don't even go near them. They will suck you like a vacuum cleaner (although vacuum cleaner is doing a good thing, this sucking isn't). Have your own identity. Live in your dimension, let only those people inside, whom you can trust and do not let other people influence you in to, getting in their dimension. Our space is always our space. It’s our creation, it’s our home. And nowhere else we can feel at home except in our own home..

Benne Biscuit

When I was a kid, there was a small grocery shop near our house. The shop keeper would have these delicious biscuits in a dabba(box) on the display. Every day on our way to school we used to look at those biscuits with our mouths watering. We used to beg our parents, pester them to give us 50 paisa so that we can buy those benne biscuits.After constant nagging for a week or so, we would get 50 paisa and our benne biscuit. I don't know why they call it benne biscuit. Benne in Kannada means butter. So I'm assuming,one of the main ingredients of the biscuit was butter. Once we give 50 paisa to the shop keeper and take out one benne biscuit from the dabba, it's all ours. Before going into the mouth, it would get all our admiration and attention. Then, slowly we would keep it in the mouth, and enjoy every crumb, every bit of it and that moment used to be so special, and that day would go great. That was the power of one biscuit on our mind and on our life. Ha..Sweet memories..

Yesterday I was in the Supermarket. A packet of benne biscuits near the billing counter,caught my eye and immediately I went and got it for billing. I took it home and thought I can have it, the next day during tea time as I had lot of things to worry about that moment. Today during tea time, I was hungry, wanted to eat something and suddenly remembered the biscuits I had bought.I opened the packet of benne biscuits and had 4 to 5 of them.Suddenly I noticed, my mouth was busy eating biscuit but my mind was wandering somewhere else. Work life tension, personal life tension. Thinking of getting settled. thinking of all the bad things which happened to me and are happening. I thought,What has happened to me?  If that shop of my childhood was there now ,near my house, I can afford the whole dabba of benne biscuits.But that biscuit will not make my day..that biscuit will not make the moment special...That biscuit has lost the power of magic on me.Or wait a minute..is it just me who has lost the power to enjoy small things in life??

The Art of Writing

Do you think writing may become an art one day?

Everything is becoming so much electronic nowadays, we type emails, we type text messages. send voice messages. We video chat. Schools have become computerised. Kids nowadays can understand and play with any electronic gadget as easy as we used to play with our toys.

So I am thinking, if this goes like this, one day we may get to see books in museums and writing may become an art. Our future generation may look at handwritten papers and wonder how people used to do this everyday,. They may even find it very artistic and creative.

I personally wouldn't want to live in that world. there is no comparison whatsoever for the feel you get with books, and papers and  writing, real time writing,. The smell of the paper, the ink and the direct flow of emotions, the way you get connected with your book. It's amazing, I wouldn't trade that with anything else.