Your Way

Me and my brother are huge fans of F.R.I.E.N.D.S sitcom. We have watched it innumerable times. And we still love to watch it every single day. Today my brother had shared a pic which says All the three main female characters had babies in an unconventional way. Phoebe was a surrogate mother for her brother's babies, Rachel was a single mother and Monica adopted babies as she was unable to conceive. I actually never thought about it. I was like wowww!!!. I have watched this serial so many times but, not even once, the thought of their motherhood being unconventional crossed my mind. It felt so natural and normal and at the same time heart warming.

I know one of our family friend's relative who has married a widower who has a son from previous marriage. And the interesting part is, the kid loves his step grand parents(step-mom's parents) more than his own grand parents. he spends more time with his step grandparents and he is so much attached to his step mom.

The thing I learnt from this is,when we embrace something, it becomes natural and beautiful. Things are as strange and awkward as we make it. I have known people who have not lived up to "society's standards". I know people who have never been married, people who got divorced, people who are in live in relationship, people who adopted kids, people who don't have kids. I see one common thing amongst all of them, their willingness to lead a normal life. All of us want to lead a normal life. everyone has their choice and right to lead the life they want. If society points a finger at you, let them. They do that only because they are not happy in their "Conventional, Normal" life.

Be happy in your own way, no one needs to understand your ways..If you are at peace, the world has to find a way to stay quiet...

Endurance

One of my friends' relative lost her husband a couple of years back. I have met this person during my friends' wedding and this woman is a very beautiful, energetic and jovial person. She may be in her early forties, even though she looks like she is in her early thirties. When I heard that her husband passed away, I was really shocked and saddened.
They have 100 acres of coffee estate and their house is in the coffee estate, so there are no other houses nearby. Their kids are studying in the city and they stay in a hostel and not with their parents.So it was just husband and wife living there. They have a family staying with them, who look after the plantations.

After her husband's demise, she was devastated. Relatives asked her to sell the estate and move to the city with her kids. But she was not ready, she did not want to leave her husband's memories. She recovered from the big blow life had thrown at her. She started looking after the plantations all alone, without anyone's help. She started taking courses in Pepper plantations and started working on it. They are now having much more profit than before. She still remembers her husband. It saddens her, but she has found a way of making her husband happy by doing something which was a part of his life.

I learnt a few things from this:
1. When the situation goes worse, and when it's not under our control, we have two options, either sit and cry or do something about it. Turn that negative energy in to building energy, creative energy.
2. There is no way of getting people back  who have left us, at least physically. But we can always find them in our memories. Create something out of those memories. Find happiness in that.
3. Love can be shown in different ways. Love can be shown even when you know that your partner is never going to know about your love. Love is just present that's all. True love does not need acknowledgement.
4. Lastly, love the people around you, because we don't know when it's too late. You may get irritated when your family keeps calling you when you are in a meeting, or your spouse keeps nagging you to do something or wants to spend more time with you. God Forbid, but we don't know future. We may long to get those calls and never get them, we want someone to keep watching us and tell them what to do and what not, but we may never have that again.

Have faith in God, Live Love Laugh and move forward.
Hats off to this wonderful woman.May God give her more strength and courage.

Meditation

I stay almost 20 kms away from work. I commute through office bus everyday. It takes me 1 hour to reach office in the morning and 1 and half hours to reach back home due to considerably increased traffic during peak hours in the evening. Many people have suggested me that I should move near office so that I can avoid spending 2 and half hours every day in the bus. But I have my own reasons why I stay this far. Some of them being, the place where I stay is pretty neat, clean, the locality is quite developed with multiple shopping malls, restaurants etc. Nice place to hang out. The people in whose house I am staying as paying guest are really nice, I get good food here and many more. Recently I found one more reason to stay this far and that is "Meditation". Sounds weird isn't it? Hear me out. Meditation does not always mean closing your eyes and chanting a mantra. There are other kinds of meditation too. I usually spend most of the commute time in reading books or on a call or listening music. Nowadays I have come up with one more way of spending time: meditating on things which bother me. It could be work related stress or family problems, personal problems, could be anything. 

We are lucky enough to travel in a comfortable AC bus, which is not crowded. I sit in the last seat of the bus, so no one can see me, which makes me comfortable. If my mind is troubled, I just sit there look outside the window and thoughts automatically keep coming to my mind one after the other. And I make sure that I feel as bad as possible for whatever I am experiencing. I argue with people in my mind, I think of all the reasons why I am right and they are wrong.Once I am done with all this self boasting, my mind calms down and slowly I start to realise that if I go ahead and start an argument with that person or if I do certain thing which affects another person, what will be the consequence? And every single time, the consequences are bad or harsh. Then I think of an alternative, what if I do not react or react in a certain way. And every single time, this gives a possibility of positive consequence. By the time I reach my house, all the trouble in my mind would have settled down and I feel so much at peace with myself. The next day, when I face the people or situation which caused stress and panic in me, I feel so much at ease and peaceful.

 In this fast moving world, no one has even 10 minutes time to keep aside for themselves. Even when people are in bus, i have seen them checking their phones all the time, or being on call. It's ok to do all that. But it should not be the only thing you do. We need  time to analyse and we need time to understand, so that we grow as humans. No one around us is doing this contemplation. At least if we make an effort, we can make our lives much easier and worthy of living..

Life and Death

Last weekend, we visited one of Dad's friends' place. His wife had passed away just three days back and Dad wanted to meet him and talk to him and his family. When we reached their house, there were already around 20 to 25 people in their living room. I assume they were family,relatives and neighbours. As we started talking, we came to know that she was in good health, had her breakfast in the morning, did all housework and suddenly started complaining about stomach ache.They called for Doctor to their house and the Doctor suggested to take her to the hospital. And on the way to the Hospital she passed away. This all happened in the span of twenty minutes. The relatives were all describing how nice a woman she was, who always had a smiling face and never got in to an argument with anyone and things like that. Dad listened to everything carefully and I know it is difficult to say anything during these times. But somehow Dad wanted to make him understand few things. When My Dad started speaking, the whole room feel silent and everyone listened attentively. These are some of the things he said that day:


1. You should be happy because she did not go through lot of pain. There are people who go bedridden for months and years. It becomes so difficult for them as well as people around them to endure that pain.
2. People who have done "Punya"(good deeds) get a death like this which is so painless.
3. And death is something which is unavoidable. That is the ultimate truth and all of us are in the queue waiting for our turn. We just don't know when will that be.
4. It is easy to say all these things, but in reality difficult to cope with the loss of a loved one. You can visit temples or ashramas or any spiritual meets that happen participate in these and try to forget your pain.


When my Dad was saying these things, I could see that he was saying them from his heart. I could sense the pain in his heart and everyone present over there. I also felt that Dad's friend was a little bit convinced. And me, who has never met his wife and seeing her family for the first time had a lump in my throat and was fighting back my tears.

Family

Last weekend I went to my hometown. Spent two beautiful days with my parents and sister. When I was coming back, due to some reason I was going through emotional crisis. The auto was about to arrive to take me to the bus station and here I am, heartbroken and in tears. I was not sure what I should do next. I was not able to do anything, suddenly life seemed meaningless and I just wanted to kill myself. My parents who are unaware of this situation were all happy and talkative. Mom was asking so many questions about what will I be eating , what should she pack for me to eat once I reach Bangalore. Dad was asking me about the new spectacles I got. I was feeling so nervous inside I could not even speak and then, I broke down. I told my dad things and people who are bothering me. I started crying, then mom came and asked. I told her the same thing. I was so embarrassed to tell my problems to them. I thought they will think less of me, because both my siblings seem to have a steady life and I have always been the one with problems. So i kept things to myself assuming that my parents may think I am a cry baby. But this one time  I just could not hold back my tears. When I explained the situation, Both of them were so cool and supportive. They explained to me, how I should ignore these silly things. Mom told so many nice qualities in me and a girl like me deserves to be happy. I really did not expect that. It felt so good to hear her say those things and this was special for me because my Mom is not very good at expressing her feelings even if it is her own daughter. And I always talk more with my Dad and very less with Mom. That is why I felt so nice hearing those things from her. Even Dad was so calm and patient as always, imparting wisdom. I think my Dad will never run out of things to teach me.


I am a very stubborn person and very sensitive. I feel I should come with a warning sign "Handle with Care!!!" :)Till now, no one has been able to handle me other than my family.  If you are a person who seem tough from outside and not ready to take cr_p from people, people think that you have got an attitude, they decide that you have problems. But no one seems to understand how kind, sensitive and loving you could be. Only your parents know that. I feel lucky that God has blessed me with a wonderful family who are never judgemental. They love me despite my idiosyncrasies, my flaws  and my insecurities. They are the only ones who know that I am capable of love, much more than anyone could ever know. All of us are in a particular family for a reason. Love your family. You should be lucky to have them. There are many people out there who seem nice at first, but they can only take so much of you. Your family is the one thing that loves you through all ups and downs of life. People in your life come and go. Your career, your work keeps changing. But what remains still and steady is your family. Love your family and feel loved:)
Cheers to a loving and close knit family!!!

Make the Best Out of it!!

Today, I was reading about this one Princess of Jaipur HH Maharani Gayatri Devi. She was born in a Royal Family in 1919, then was married to the Prince of Jaipur in 1940. She was known for her exquisite beauty. She was very beautiful and also she was the fashion icon during her younger days. She was once included in Vogue magazine's 10 most beautiful women list. And also she was talented and was strong and influential enough to run for the parliament and win. If you look at her life as a third person, any one would become jealous. Beauty, wealth, intelligence, anything a woman would want. She had everything and she lived a full life. She passed away at the age of 90 in 2009. Now, my question is what will happen now? If you are a believer in reincarnation, her soul will take birth again. There is a very low chance that she will take birth in a Royal family. We have no idea where will she be born, Could be in Africa, America or India or any other remote country or a remote village. She may not look the way she used to look in her previous birth, she won't be born with a silver spoon. There could be lot of possibilities. It kind of breaks my heart a little to think about that.

Now forget about the Royal Family, forget about beauty. Think about yourself. Hasn't God given us enough? we have a loving family, a good job, a good place to live and a good enough status in the society. We have no idea, what will we be in our next birth. The truth is, we don't know what will we be next year or may be a decade from now. If things turn out to be better than today, God's grace. But there are other possibilities too. Isn't it better if we value what we have today, appreciate it, be grateful for what we have. Be nice to people in your life, Take care of yourself, that way you can take care of your loved ones. Say I Love You to people who matter to you, even if they don't take it seriously. Call your parents everyday. Talk to your siblings. Let your friends know that you are there. Give your 100% at work. Love what you do. Most of all, do not have regrets at any point. This is one chance which is given to us and we are sure of. This is one life which we have more control than we think. Make the best out of it!!

Lat week, I watched this documentary about a woman named Joyce Vincent, who died in her apartment in 2003, and her body was found in 2006. They found her body in the living room and the TV was still on. It was so heart breaking. How can someone disappear from this world, and no one cares about it, for three long years? So they put these banners everywhere in the city, asking "Do you know Joyce Vincent?". Some of her ex-boyfriends, friends and ex-colleagues came forward. And when they were interviewed it was found that, she was a very fun loving person, very beautiful and attractive. Everyone would want to talk to her, be friends with her. But 3 to 4 years before her death, she started isolating herself from everyone. Her family, friends,colleagues. She resigned from her job,  She would run away from old friends who would bump in to her on the street.

When we hear about this incident, we feel bad that why none of her family was concerned, or  none of her friends were concerned? I can't imagine my family being not worried about me, even for 3 days, let alone 3 years and I assume, that is the case with most of us. So our first thought would be that it's her family and friends who are indifferent and don't care. But that is not true.
Love and care are not free in this world. You have to give love and care to get it back. Sometimes even if someone loves us, they can't show it, just because we don't want it, or at least we behave like we don't want it. Now, none of us are in her position, so we can't be judgemental nor we can say she was wrong. But this is just a hypothesis, derived from the events as they seem.

It wouldn't hurt for us to smile at a neighbour, or call an old friend once in a while, make friends who are worth keeping. Never isolate yourself from the world. Its good to be in solitude, but loneliness is the one that hurts.

Winning and Losing

I was watching the sitcom How I Met Your Mother yesterday. A huge fight takes place between lily and Marshall( husband and wife). And lily storms out. Now Marshall starts having conversation with imaginary lily or ghost lily. And he wins the argument.he asks ghost lily ' that's it? I win? She thought I am gonna lose!'
Then lily says ' you are gonna lose' ,you are gonna lose this. (Making a hand gesture as if showing connection between them)If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like winning and losing when you talk about our marriage. It's not like it'll happen all at once, but if you keep acting this way, little by little you're gonna lose me.

Isn't that so true? When we win an argument with our partner we think we won. When our ego wins over our love, we think we won. Don't you think you are losing the connection with that person? Little by little, day by day, we lose them, and before we realise ,they are gone. And that's when we start seeing the goodness of the person and what we have lost. And it will be too late by then. Why do marriages fall apart? Why do break ups happen? Because of our ego and our obsession to win. If you love the person with whom you are, then before letting your ego take action, try to calm down and think what you can do about it.

 Try to follow these steps
1. When you get upset or angry with your partner, instead of getting judgemental and start fighting, just calm down, take deep breaths and be silent.
2. Once you feel you are in control of the words coming out of your mouth, talk to your partner.
3. And when you talk do not use harsh tone, just get to know their view and once you hear them out, let them know how you are feeling and not what they did. Do not point at their actions, instead show them your feelings.
4. If talking is not working out, give them space and make sure they don't think you are doing this out of anger. When you text them during this period, keep it simple and friendly
5. Go out with your friends and do whatever you like to do during this period. Do not stalk your partner. Give them a chance to live their life and you start living yours.
6. Once they come back to you, be welcoming. Do not remind them of what they did. They know it deep down. That's why they have come back. If you  start the same thing again, may be they will think it was a stupid idea to come back.
7. If they do not come back, it's never a loss. Move on with life. You might have learnt something from this relationship. Keep that with you always and move on. May be something better is waiting for you.

Always, always give your 100%. If that 100% is not enough for someone, then it's not your problem. But do not ruin a relationship when all that person is looking for is 50% of what you've got, and just because of your ego, you are  giving 10% when you are actually capable of 100%.

Today I booked a cab to go to office. The cab arrived on time, when we were on our way, the cab driver got a phone call. And after the call, the driver requested me to book another cab as he has to immediately go somewhere. He said his friend passed away. I told him that I am sorry to hear that and asked him what happened? He told me that his friend fell down from the bike two months back and had a very bad leg injury. As they did not take care of it properly, it turned in to cancer. He also told me that he got married just 6 months back and his wife is pregnant. I felt a lump in my throat after hearing this.

I was thinking, how fragile the human life is. That girl would have never thought that she would be widowed in six months. All she can hold on to are those memories of six months. So many times in our lives, we take people for granted. We sure do love them, but we forget to show that love. We get ourselves involved in petty arguments and misunderstandings. We don't know how long we have got them or they have got us. Life is too short, Life is too uncertain.

So...Keep Loving..Be Happy and Just Live your life to the fullest...

Stardust

There is so much more to life than we can comprehend. There is so much more to this Universe we are living in, How insignificant we are and our problems when you could actually understand where you stand in this Universe. So many times I sit and worry about lot of things, some of which I have control over and some of which I do not or rather I am too lazy to take control. But end of the day what matters? How I feel is what matters or how I choose to feel is what matters. Not what this person said or that person did, Not how much I earn or how much I spend. It's just what I feel, is what matters. Many times I think when a person who is close to you dies, a part of you dies, When my grand mother passed away recently, I felt that. I have so many childhood memories with her, so many memories with her even in the recent years, when she passed away I felt a big loss, I felt so helpless and felt a void in my heart. Even in a relationship, when a person leaves, you feel a void, something which can never be filled. A part of you which is dead. A death of a relationship is as painful as the death of a person, But then, I thought of this, how about we don't let it die? what if my memories are the only thing which is alive? I have many memories with grandma. Why can't I save them? why can't I keep them alive? If someone loses in a relationship, then let them nurture those memories which are the only things alive in the relationship. Use them to understand yourself and improve yourself. After all, we are Stardust, Can you imagine?
We have the power to shine and to reflect. We have the power to be as beautiful as we can. Why waste all that in pouting,brooding and being sad. Be the best you can be in loving someone. Doesn't matter if they are alive, doesn't matter if they no longer exist in your life physically. Just love them with all your heart, because that is what you are supposed to do. That is the only way to happiness, They can feel you, even if they can't see, even if they can;t hear. They will feel you and that is what is important.

My Sweetest Grandma

It's been long that I haven't posted anything here. Was quiet busy with lot of things, figuring out too many things. My beloved sweet grandma passed away on April 15th. It was very painful for me. The reason being, I stayed with her during my Engineering days and I have known her very closely. She is a very sweet lady. Even though she did not know how to read and write, she was very good at picking up English words while we speak and she would repeat them. Whenever we watch NGC or Discovery channel, she would watch very keenly and ask questions about the show. When I had a crush on a guy during my first year in the company and when I told her about it, she did not make a big fuss about it, instead she said, If the guy is good and if God Willing, why not?. She was way ahead of her time. When I used to take my Dad to hospital and stay with him in the hospital when he was not well, she would tell my Dad, 'She is not your daughter, she is your Son" and that would move me to tears. Even at the age of 82, she wanted to wash her clothes on her own. even a day before she passed away, when she was in the hospital, not able to get up from her bed, she went to the bathroom on her own and wanted to wash her saree. I have so much love for her and I always will. I know she is seeing me from a far away land and I want to thank her for bringing us up. For staying awake for 3 months when I was a baby and could not stop crying whole night, I want to thank her for all the summer holidays she would bear with us when we made a big mess of the house which she maintained so well. I want to thank her for cooking food for me every single dayand doing all the household chores without letting me lift even a tumbler when I was doing my Engineering, and lastly I want to thank her for being with us in our house and bringing such a charm to it.

May her soul rest in Peace...

A Simple Act

The lift at my office was about to close, when I approached it.There was only one girl in the lift. She saw me and held it open for me. And as soon as I got in, she pressed the button to my floor which is 3rd and I gathered from the other button which was glowing, that she works in 7th floor. This girl takes the same bus as me to office everyday. But as far as I remember we might have taken the same lift not more than twice. I was really surprised to know that, this person whom I have never talked to, knows which floor I work in and she held the lift open for me, where in, I have seen people who are in such hurry that, even if they see people coming towards lift, they just close the lift as fast as possible,so that they can reach early. After this experience in the morning, I involuntarily had a smile on my face. I thought, how easy it is to make someone happy and feel important just by a simple act. There is so much power in one person, one word and one act.

Yet, we see people screaming at others, saying hurtful things and behaving in unkind way.  Just like one person's words or acts can make your day, a person's hurtful words and actions can ruin your day. Being nice is not tough and the results are wonderful. But people find it easy to be selfish and rude and complain that their life is tough. What you sow is what you reap. And we always tend to forget that. We are so much blinded by our ego and selfishness that we can't see the beauty and simplicity of love,kindness and being yourself.

May be the girl who was nice to me today, has an eidetic memory or a photographic memory. She might have seen me press 3 once and remembers it. Or may be we might have taken the same lift more number of times than I can remember/recall. But the point is , she chose to press that number for me, letting me know that," hey! I know where you work!" Neither her ego nor her pride dominated her instincts. which made me feel important. Made me feel that may be I am a noticeable person. People do notice me. Not like I am invisible. That is enough to make one's day. And it did. When strangers are capable of making us this happy, imagine how much our loved ones are capable of. and how much we are capable of doing to our loved ones.

When you are capable of bringing joy, don't waste it in making someone cry!! 

Everlasting Love

I happened to watch this video of an elderly couple, where the husband takes care of his wife who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. She can't remember who he is. And when she asks "Who are you?" He explains tiny and beautiful details about her and her idiosyncrasies. After some time she asks the same question again "Who are you"? But that doesn't stop the husband. He starts all over again.

This reminded me of a story which I read somewhere. A husband goes to the hospital everyday to see his wife who has Alzheimer's disease. She does not recognize him. Yet, he goes everyday to take care of her. One day a person in the hospital asks him "Why do you come here everyday?she does not even know who you are..". To this,the husband replies "But I know who she is...".

What do these stories tell us? We love someone, just because we love them. If we love someone for a reason and that reason is taken away, do we still love them? If we do not, that means our love was based on conditions and selfishness. Loving someone for what they are and not for, what they can do for you, is the most crucial thing in a relationship and most precious too. Because once you know that, it's blissful. You will love a person for eternity, even if the whole world around you changes. Even if that person changes.

Read this somewhere, ‘When you love a flower you don’t pluck it, you water it, nurture it and just watch it being beautiful…’

The Walk

(This blog contains spoilers, please do not read if you are planning to watch the movie ‘The Walk’)

Yesterday I had been to watch the movie ‘The Walk’. I just loved the concept and the way the movie was made. This is based on a true story of a wire walker “Phillippe Petit”. A wonderful, adventurous journey of a man and his dream to hang a wire between twin towers (WTC) and walk on it. It just sends shivers down your spine. It really does.

It was so enchanting to see his determination and passion. Having a goal, carefully assessing it, examining the situation, planning perfectly and most of all, not caring what others say and no matter what, strive for your goal day and night with every ounce of your soul and body and NOT GIVING UP.

We always have people to pull us down. Things which people can’t do, sound crazy to them or they just can’t comprehend. If Phillippe Petit had thought about that, then I don’t think he would have been able to achieve what he achieved.

And one more thing which actually caught my attention was the support system of his friends. His friends and acquaintances   who support him throughout his entire mission. I have so much respect for them. People are there to encourage you and be there for you when they know that you are successful. But people who stand by you, even when the whole world thinks you are insane are the people whom you should never let go.

All in all, the movie just enthralled me. And I wish people come up with more movies like this instead of our same old Bollywood love stories.

War and Peace

Today,I was watching Richard Gere's talk about Buddhism.He was talking about uncertainty in our lives and the effect of desire. He said, If I love a cookie and I desire for it, I will be happy when I get it. it truly gives me happiness in the first bite. Second cookie? not so much, the third, fourth, fifth, and by tenth cookie, I am like, "I hate cookies". That is what everything around us, is about. We think, these material things give us happiness. But that is not true. Right? Even people can't give us happiness always, no matter how much we love them, or how much they love us. there are chances of things going wrong between two people. Sometimes we may think, we should leave all this superficial world and go somewhere far. Away from everything and everyone. Will we be happy then? No.. We will still find problems in the environment we are living in or we will attach ourselves to the past so much so that we barely can see the present. 

Now what is the solution?I haven't figured it out yet. But I know one thing that, all we can do is enjoy the present moment and spend as much time as possible in things, which when you think of 10 years later, will make you feel proud of yourself.We all make mistakes. But learning from those mistakes is important and also understand that others make mistakes just like us. Forgive and forget. Hurting others is in turn a burden on us, not them. I have tried hurting people who hurt me. But seeing them get hurt has never made me happy. It's like heavy weight on your heart. Sometimes we misinterpret people's behavior and take harsh decisions. Which again leads to a chain reaction. We talk about violence, we talk about treachery, hurt and deceit.But how much of this have we got in us? May be in less quantity. But it's still there. We need to cleanse this bit by bit. Find your enemies. I mean "your enemies". Six of them. (Arishadvargas: kama, krodha, mada, moha, lobha and mathsara), lust,anger,ego,delusion,greed and jealousy respectively. Next time, watch and observe when do you display these qualities. Make a note of it. And try to work on these.Let us win the battle with our enemies bit by bit.

Wars are not fought between countries, wars are not fought between people, wars are fought within ourselves.

Reward for understanding 'HIS' ways

                                      I was overly pampered when I was a child and also, needless to say I was a notorious kid. My mother was the only one who could set me straight. I always, somehow used to get my way with everything and with everyone. But my Mom would never allow that, unless it is justified. I would simply fight and argue with mom, to give the toys I wanted or prepare the food of my choice. Mom would never agree to those things unless I behaved properly. But sometimes, when Mom was busy and tensed If I keep playing without troubling her, or If I do some small tasks like keeping the room tidy, finishing my lunch or even being quiet without causing any problem, then Mom would treat me by preparing my favourite food or she would let me play with some expensive and fragile toys which were not meant to be played with on a daily basis. All I had to do was keep quiet and I would get my reward. But the next day, I would behave in the same argumentative, spoilt child way. Because kids do not understand these things. Now that we are adults, we think we can comprehend any situation and make it work. But things have not changed. We still have that argumentative, cribbing and crying kid within us.

Today, my day was very hectic, lot of work at office, too many people emitting negative energy all over the place. I was so exhausted. Usually when this happens, I tend to acquire negative energy from them and I behave either in an angry or a condescending way. If not, at least these thoughts keep bothering me for quite some time .And as a result, I tend to become capricious. This is a chain reaction. I say something to someone or behave in a certain way and people react according to that, and I react in turn and this goes on.

Now, If you think about it, all it takes is just silence to set things right. Accept what is happening, accept your shortcomings and do not take any step in anger. Today, many times I was given a chance to become angry, tensed, anxious and judgemental. But something in me told to keep calm. I just let everything pass by. As if to test my patience, God presented these situations multiple times and each time fiercer than before. But I was determined not to lose control. I kept my promise which I made with myself. End of the day, I felt so much at peace. I do not have any guilt bothering me, I do not need to repent the words which I cannot take back and I did not distort my personality.

God is like a mother who wants the kids to behave in a certain way. All you need to do is keep quiet and observe what situations he puts you in, accept it and handle the situation like a mature individual. Once this change begins in you, the world around you begins to change. The people may take some time to notice this, but do not lose hope. Be the best person you can be. Try to become the best person you know. I tried this today and I will keep trying this because now I have understood HIS ways.

And now that I behaved like a good child, I know that my reward is on the way. 

Change is the rule of Universe

Today, when I was talking to my brother he told me about this funny friend of his, who picks up a random object in the room belonging to some person and asks "who's pen is this?" or "whose book is this?" etc. If that person replies "It's mine", he will go on saying in a dramatic tone:"Today it's yours, yesterday it was someone else's tomorrow it will go to some other person. So don't say it's yours. Nothing is yours". I know this guy is being funny. But isn't that actually true? I mean we get attached to everything. We put stickers on things and even people. This is my pen, this is my book, this person is mine.

But things change, people change, situations change. That is the gist of Bhagavad Geeta. Isn't it? If a person who is close to you moves away, How long will you sit and cry? Or how long will that person miss you? One day people understand, find some other person, forget about everything and move on. People are here to look after themselves. When the conditions are favourable, they stay, everything is like a fairy tale. Once the conditions start becoming uncomfortable, like the birds which migrate to different part of the world, people move on.

The best we can do to keep ourselves from hurting is, try not labelling everything. You purchase some things, use them as long as you can then forget about it. give it to charity or someone else to use or throw them in the trash. If it's people, be happy with them as long as they are there. when they act in a certain way which according to you is not correct, then understand that and move on.

The battles which make you strong are the battles fought alone. All that is on which you have control is you. Nothing else no one else..

As MJ says " Take a look at yourself and then make a change".

The Suspicion Bug

Today, I completed watching the TV series “He knew he was right”. It is a story about a man, who suspects his wife of betrayal and ultimately turns mad and dies in his own creation of hell. Louis loves his wife Emily more than anything else in the world. They are happily married and have a child together. During this time, Emily’s father’s friend Colonel Osborne who is also her Godfather begins to visit her everyday in her husband’s absence. The rumours start spreading, people start talking about them. Louis hears this and it disturbs him a lot. He asks his wife to give him a promise of not seeing this person again. She finds it very offensive that her husband does not trust her and refuses to give him the promise. This makes Louise more suspicious and the misunderstandings between them begin to grow. One thing leads to another and they decide to get separated. Louise sends his wife to his friend’s place and appoints a detective to spy on her. When Emily is away from her husband, the Colonel visits her again under some silly pretences. Emily agrees to see him because she thinks she has not done anything wrong and refusing to see the colonel means she is admitting that she has something to feel guilty about. Even though Emily meets colonel along with her sister, the news goes to her husband from the detective saying that his wife met Colonel Osborne. Louise is devastated to hear this. As days pass by his suspicion grows more and more inside him. He stops taking care of himself and his health. He begins to weaken mentally and physically day by day. He goes abroad, stays away from everyone, but his suspicion does not die. He still loves his wife but could not somehow trust her. Finally, in this own creation of hell, he dies a painful death. His life and everyone else’s life around him, a perfectly beautiful life shatters one piece at a time because of one bug of suspicion in a man for his wife.

The Tv series is very well directed and the acting skills are profound. The way they show the deterioration of Louise, his wife’s infinite love and care for him despite everything which is happening between them, her parent’s support for her and his friend’s concern about him, is very well directed and portrayed. It was very interesting as well as painful to watch this. While watching this movie some thoughts came to my mind. Jotting down some of them here:

1.       Take time to understand or trust your partner before you commit to the relationship. But once you do, never for a second think otherwise. Suspicion is a fire that burns you alive.

2.       Sometimes, when you are in a relationship, you have to keep your ego aside and do and say things which will keep the relationship in peace. If Emily had promised her husband that she won’t see Osborne again, all this wouldn't have happened. Just one word would have been enough. But instead she got offended and refused to make the promise. Jealousy is very common in a relationship. May be it is immature but it shows the presence of love and care. A person becomes jealous to see you with other person not because he doesn't trust you, may be because he doesn't trust the other person involved. It is very common to behave that way. But being the sensible one in the relationship, we need to win the trust of the person. Once the trust is strong, the relationships built over them will be strong and last a life time.

3.       If you are a friend or a well-wisher of any married couple, please maintain a distance. If you want to meet them, meet them when they are together. If your presence is creating ripples of mistrust between husband and wife, just withdraw yourself from that situation. If you really, care about them, pray for them. Do not be the reason for breaking a marriage.

4.       Relationships are all about trust, love and care. To achieve a successful relationship one has to compromise and understand. And once the bug of suspicion enters your mind, it will grow day in and day out and will not let you live in peace. Believe me, if you trust your partner 100% it is very unlikely that he/she will have the guts to cheat on you. Even if they cheat on you and go with someone else, they will never be able to forget you. When you love someone, love them with all your heart. The relationship may fail, but you will never fail.

5.       At the same time, if you start suspecting, there are two possibilities. Either you are right or wrong. If you are right, you will be hurt very deeply. If you are wrong, you will be hurt and also you will be hurting your partner and putting your perfect relationship in jeopardy.

It takes two people to build a relationship, but one is enough to break.  Take full responsibility in a relationship and don’t ever be the reason for breaking it. 

Passive Resistance

Last week when I was at home, me and Dad were having a discussion and Leo Tolstoy’s name came up. Dad said he is a saint. I know that people used to call him Prophet or the living saint, but I did not know my Dad is one of them. We spoke about his works, and Dad seemed really upset about the way he died in a Railway Station. I am not a Tolstoyan myself but, I believe in the power of non-violence. Violence comes easy, the trigger for violence is Anger and hatred. But non-violence requires maturity of the mind, patience and love.  People may obey Violence out of fear and helplessness, but they will bow to non-violence out of respect. 

It amazes me how, one person that is Leo Tolstoy made the whole of Russia as well as the whole world to follow him, recognize him and remember him for eternity. All he preached was love. He wrote all his property to the people of Russia during his last days. His wife was completely against this idea. She would fight with him and behave like a hysteric woman. Even though he loved his wife, he never gave up his decision to donate all the money to people. Even it meant, leaving his own house. He had some devoted disciples and followers who took care of him and when his health deteriorated, he was given a place in the Railway station in southern Russia to stay. People say that even Mahatma Gandhi was influenced by his principles and they used to correspond through letters. And yet he was so humble, modest, full of love and down to earth.  

Leo Tolstoy, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther king, these are the people who believed in just one simple Principle “Passive Resistance” or “Non-Violence”.  Whole world followed them in their fight and in their belief.  May be 1947 was the last time in India when people spoke about non-violence and 1910 in Russia(Death of Leo Tolstoy) We no longer have leaders who strive and struggle for the benefit of the society. There is no point for us to sit and wait for the world to change in the hands of our so called leaders.Once Leo Tolstoy asked a group of people “Do you think I am the future of this Country? No. you are the future of this country”. We, the people of this earth are responsible for all the war and peace here.

Each one of us have the potential to bring change in this world. Believe in a principle. Follow that to every word, no matter who opposes you, no matter how much you are ridiculed. You may get one person who may understand you at first, then the word may spread and one more person may join and yet another. Let the snowball roll. Let the butterfly effect begin.. All we need to do is just flap our wings…

Is Anybody There?

Last Sunday I watched this movie “Is Anybody There?”.  Awesome performance by Bill Milner and Michael Caine. The movie is about the friendship which grows between a retired magician and a 10 year old boy whose parents run an old age home. The boy is obsessed with ghosts and life after death. He is also unhappy that his house is filled with old people. But his parents explain to him that because of their financial problems, they have no other go other than running this home.  An old retired magician by the name Clarence comes to their old age home reluctantly. He has lost his wife and grieves for her, every single minute of his life. Initially, the boy, Edward is very angry that this old man has taken over his room and they do not get along. Slowly the antagonism between them turns in to friendship. Clarence teaches the kid, some magic tricks, asks him to socialise with living beings rather than being interested in dead people. At the same time, the kid helps Clarence to achieve peace with his past.

It is amazing how our mind plays tricks on us. When we are kids, we have a wonderful imagination, life of fantasies and dreams. As we grow old, we start to realise that these are just in our imagination. Real life very much different. And may be when we are at the dusk of our life, we are either bitter or boring.  When we are young, we don’t understand what old people are going through. So many years of hardship has made them what they are now. But funny thing is we forget that one day we will be that old. One day we may also turn grumpy. At the same time, when people grow old, they forget that they were kids once. Sometimes, looking at situations with a curious eye and a simple mind like a kid helps to solve lot of complex problems.

There is a child in every old man and an old man is growing in every child...