A Simple Act

The lift at my office was about to close, when I approached it.There was only one girl in the lift. She saw me and held it open for me. And as soon as I got in, she pressed the button to my floor which is 3rd and I gathered from the other button which was glowing, that she works in 7th floor. This girl takes the same bus as me to office everyday. But as far as I remember we might have taken the same lift not more than twice. I was really surprised to know that, this person whom I have never talked to, knows which floor I work in and she held the lift open for me, where in, I have seen people who are in such hurry that, even if they see people coming towards lift, they just close the lift as fast as possible,so that they can reach early. After this experience in the morning, I involuntarily had a smile on my face. I thought, how easy it is to make someone happy and feel important just by a simple act. There is so much power in one person, one word and one act.

Yet, we see people screaming at others, saying hurtful things and behaving in unkind way.  Just like one person's words or acts can make your day, a person's hurtful words and actions can ruin your day. Being nice is not tough and the results are wonderful. But people find it easy to be selfish and rude and complain that their life is tough. What you sow is what you reap. And we always tend to forget that. We are so much blinded by our ego and selfishness that we can't see the beauty and simplicity of love,kindness and being yourself.

May be the girl who was nice to me today, has an eidetic memory or a photographic memory. She might have seen me press 3 once and remembers it. Or may be we might have taken the same lift more number of times than I can remember/recall. But the point is , she chose to press that number for me, letting me know that," hey! I know where you work!" Neither her ego nor her pride dominated her instincts. which made me feel important. Made me feel that may be I am a noticeable person. People do notice me. Not like I am invisible. That is enough to make one's day. And it did. When strangers are capable of making us this happy, imagine how much our loved ones are capable of. and how much we are capable of doing to our loved ones.

When you are capable of bringing joy, don't waste it in making someone cry!! 

Everlasting Love

I happened to watch this video of an elderly couple, where the husband takes care of his wife who is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. She can't remember who he is. And when she asks "Who are you?" He explains tiny and beautiful details about her and her idiosyncrasies. After some time she asks the same question again "Who are you"? But that doesn't stop the husband. He starts all over again.

This reminded me of a story which I read somewhere. A husband goes to the hospital everyday to see his wife who has Alzheimer's disease. She does not recognize him. Yet, he goes everyday to take care of her. One day a person in the hospital asks him "Why do you come here everyday?she does not even know who you are..". To this,the husband replies "But I know who she is...".

What do these stories tell us? We love someone, just because we love them. If we love someone for a reason and that reason is taken away, do we still love them? If we do not, that means our love was based on conditions and selfishness. Loving someone for what they are and not for, what they can do for you, is the most crucial thing in a relationship and most precious too. Because once you know that, it's blissful. You will love a person for eternity, even if the whole world around you changes. Even if that person changes.

Read this somewhere, ‘When you love a flower you don’t pluck it, you water it, nurture it and just watch it being beautiful…’

The Walk

(This blog contains spoilers, please do not read if you are planning to watch the movie ‘The Walk’)

Yesterday I had been to watch the movie ‘The Walk’. I just loved the concept and the way the movie was made. This is based on a true story of a wire walker “Phillippe Petit”. A wonderful, adventurous journey of a man and his dream to hang a wire between twin towers (WTC) and walk on it. It just sends shivers down your spine. It really does.

It was so enchanting to see his determination and passion. Having a goal, carefully assessing it, examining the situation, planning perfectly and most of all, not caring what others say and no matter what, strive for your goal day and night with every ounce of your soul and body and NOT GIVING UP.

We always have people to pull us down. Things which people can’t do, sound crazy to them or they just can’t comprehend. If Phillippe Petit had thought about that, then I don’t think he would have been able to achieve what he achieved.

And one more thing which actually caught my attention was the support system of his friends. His friends and acquaintances   who support him throughout his entire mission. I have so much respect for them. People are there to encourage you and be there for you when they know that you are successful. But people who stand by you, even when the whole world thinks you are insane are the people whom you should never let go.

All in all, the movie just enthralled me. And I wish people come up with more movies like this instead of our same old Bollywood love stories.

War and Peace

Today,I was watching Richard Gere's talk about Buddhism.He was talking about uncertainty in our lives and the effect of desire. He said, If I love a cookie and I desire for it, I will be happy when I get it. it truly gives me happiness in the first bite. Second cookie? not so much, the third, fourth, fifth, and by tenth cookie, I am like, "I hate cookies". That is what everything around us, is about. We think, these material things give us happiness. But that is not true. Right? Even people can't give us happiness always, no matter how much we love them, or how much they love us. there are chances of things going wrong between two people. Sometimes we may think, we should leave all this superficial world and go somewhere far. Away from everything and everyone. Will we be happy then? No.. We will still find problems in the environment we are living in or we will attach ourselves to the past so much so that we barely can see the present. 

Now what is the solution?I haven't figured it out yet. But I know one thing that, all we can do is enjoy the present moment and spend as much time as possible in things, which when you think of 10 years later, will make you feel proud of yourself.We all make mistakes. But learning from those mistakes is important and also understand that others make mistakes just like us. Forgive and forget. Hurting others is in turn a burden on us, not them. I have tried hurting people who hurt me. But seeing them get hurt has never made me happy. It's like heavy weight on your heart. Sometimes we misinterpret people's behavior and take harsh decisions. Which again leads to a chain reaction. We talk about violence, we talk about treachery, hurt and deceit.But how much of this have we got in us? May be in less quantity. But it's still there. We need to cleanse this bit by bit. Find your enemies. I mean "your enemies". Six of them. (Arishadvargas: kama, krodha, mada, moha, lobha and mathsara), lust,anger,ego,delusion,greed and jealousy respectively. Next time, watch and observe when do you display these qualities. Make a note of it. And try to work on these.Let us win the battle with our enemies bit by bit.

Wars are not fought between countries, wars are not fought between people, wars are fought within ourselves.

Reward for understanding 'HIS' ways

                                      I was overly pampered when I was a child and also, needless to say I was a notorious kid. My mother was the only one who could set me straight. I always, somehow used to get my way with everything and with everyone. But my Mom would never allow that, unless it is justified. I would simply fight and argue with mom, to give the toys I wanted or prepare the food of my choice. Mom would never agree to those things unless I behaved properly. But sometimes, when Mom was busy and tensed If I keep playing without troubling her, or If I do some small tasks like keeping the room tidy, finishing my lunch or even being quiet without causing any problem, then Mom would treat me by preparing my favourite food or she would let me play with some expensive and fragile toys which were not meant to be played with on a daily basis. All I had to do was keep quiet and I would get my reward. But the next day, I would behave in the same argumentative, spoilt child way. Because kids do not understand these things. Now that we are adults, we think we can comprehend any situation and make it work. But things have not changed. We still have that argumentative, cribbing and crying kid within us.

Today, my day was very hectic, lot of work at office, too many people emitting negative energy all over the place. I was so exhausted. Usually when this happens, I tend to acquire negative energy from them and I behave either in an angry or a condescending way. If not, at least these thoughts keep bothering me for quite some time .And as a result, I tend to become capricious. This is a chain reaction. I say something to someone or behave in a certain way and people react according to that, and I react in turn and this goes on.

Now, If you think about it, all it takes is just silence to set things right. Accept what is happening, accept your shortcomings and do not take any step in anger. Today, many times I was given a chance to become angry, tensed, anxious and judgemental. But something in me told to keep calm. I just let everything pass by. As if to test my patience, God presented these situations multiple times and each time fiercer than before. But I was determined not to lose control. I kept my promise which I made with myself. End of the day, I felt so much at peace. I do not have any guilt bothering me, I do not need to repent the words which I cannot take back and I did not distort my personality.

God is like a mother who wants the kids to behave in a certain way. All you need to do is keep quiet and observe what situations he puts you in, accept it and handle the situation like a mature individual. Once this change begins in you, the world around you begins to change. The people may take some time to notice this, but do not lose hope. Be the best person you can be. Try to become the best person you know. I tried this today and I will keep trying this because now I have understood HIS ways.

And now that I behaved like a good child, I know that my reward is on the way. 

Change is the rule of Universe

Today, when I was talking to my brother he told me about this funny friend of his, who picks up a random object in the room belonging to some person and asks "who's pen is this?" or "whose book is this?" etc. If that person replies "It's mine", he will go on saying in a dramatic tone:"Today it's yours, yesterday it was someone else's tomorrow it will go to some other person. So don't say it's yours. Nothing is yours". I know this guy is being funny. But isn't that actually true? I mean we get attached to everything. We put stickers on things and even people. This is my pen, this is my book, this person is mine.

But things change, people change, situations change. That is the gist of Bhagavad Geeta. Isn't it? If a person who is close to you moves away, How long will you sit and cry? Or how long will that person miss you? One day people understand, find some other person, forget about everything and move on. People are here to look after themselves. When the conditions are favourable, they stay, everything is like a fairy tale. Once the conditions start becoming uncomfortable, like the birds which migrate to different part of the world, people move on.

The best we can do to keep ourselves from hurting is, try not labelling everything. You purchase some things, use them as long as you can then forget about it. give it to charity or someone else to use or throw them in the trash. If it's people, be happy with them as long as they are there. when they act in a certain way which according to you is not correct, then understand that and move on.

The battles which make you strong are the battles fought alone. All that is on which you have control is you. Nothing else no one else..

As MJ says " Take a look at yourself and then make a change".

The Suspicion Bug

Today, I completed watching the TV series “He knew he was right”. It is a story about a man, who suspects his wife of betrayal and ultimately turns mad and dies in his own creation of hell. Louis loves his wife Emily more than anything else in the world. They are happily married and have a child together. During this time, Emily’s father’s friend Colonel Osborne who is also her Godfather begins to visit her everyday in her husband’s absence. The rumours start spreading, people start talking about them. Louis hears this and it disturbs him a lot. He asks his wife to give him a promise of not seeing this person again. She finds it very offensive that her husband does not trust her and refuses to give him the promise. This makes Louise more suspicious and the misunderstandings between them begin to grow. One thing leads to another and they decide to get separated. Louise sends his wife to his friend’s place and appoints a detective to spy on her. When Emily is away from her husband, the Colonel visits her again under some silly pretences. Emily agrees to see him because she thinks she has not done anything wrong and refusing to see the colonel means she is admitting that she has something to feel guilty about. Even though Emily meets colonel along with her sister, the news goes to her husband from the detective saying that his wife met Colonel Osborne. Louise is devastated to hear this. As days pass by his suspicion grows more and more inside him. He stops taking care of himself and his health. He begins to weaken mentally and physically day by day. He goes abroad, stays away from everyone, but his suspicion does not die. He still loves his wife but could not somehow trust her. Finally, in this own creation of hell, he dies a painful death. His life and everyone else’s life around him, a perfectly beautiful life shatters one piece at a time because of one bug of suspicion in a man for his wife.

The Tv series is very well directed and the acting skills are profound. The way they show the deterioration of Louise, his wife’s infinite love and care for him despite everything which is happening between them, her parent’s support for her and his friend’s concern about him, is very well directed and portrayed. It was very interesting as well as painful to watch this. While watching this movie some thoughts came to my mind. Jotting down some of them here:

1.       Take time to understand or trust your partner before you commit to the relationship. But once you do, never for a second think otherwise. Suspicion is a fire that burns you alive.

2.       Sometimes, when you are in a relationship, you have to keep your ego aside and do and say things which will keep the relationship in peace. If Emily had promised her husband that she won’t see Osborne again, all this wouldn't have happened. Just one word would have been enough. But instead she got offended and refused to make the promise. Jealousy is very common in a relationship. May be it is immature but it shows the presence of love and care. A person becomes jealous to see you with other person not because he doesn't trust you, may be because he doesn't trust the other person involved. It is very common to behave that way. But being the sensible one in the relationship, we need to win the trust of the person. Once the trust is strong, the relationships built over them will be strong and last a life time.

3.       If you are a friend or a well-wisher of any married couple, please maintain a distance. If you want to meet them, meet them when they are together. If your presence is creating ripples of mistrust between husband and wife, just withdraw yourself from that situation. If you really, care about them, pray for them. Do not be the reason for breaking a marriage.

4.       Relationships are all about trust, love and care. To achieve a successful relationship one has to compromise and understand. And once the bug of suspicion enters your mind, it will grow day in and day out and will not let you live in peace. Believe me, if you trust your partner 100% it is very unlikely that he/she will have the guts to cheat on you. Even if they cheat on you and go with someone else, they will never be able to forget you. When you love someone, love them with all your heart. The relationship may fail, but you will never fail.

5.       At the same time, if you start suspecting, there are two possibilities. Either you are right or wrong. If you are right, you will be hurt very deeply. If you are wrong, you will be hurt and also you will be hurting your partner and putting your perfect relationship in jeopardy.

It takes two people to build a relationship, but one is enough to break.  Take full responsibility in a relationship and don’t ever be the reason for breaking it. 

Passive Resistance

Last week when I was at home, me and Dad were having a discussion and Leo Tolstoy’s name came up. Dad said he is a saint. I know that people used to call him Prophet or the living saint, but I did not know my Dad is one of them. We spoke about his works, and Dad seemed really upset about the way he died in a Railway Station. I am not a Tolstoyan myself but, I believe in the power of non-violence. Violence comes easy, the trigger for violence is Anger and hatred. But non-violence requires maturity of the mind, patience and love.  People may obey Violence out of fear and helplessness, but they will bow to non-violence out of respect. 

It amazes me how, one person that is Leo Tolstoy made the whole of Russia as well as the whole world to follow him, recognize him and remember him for eternity. All he preached was love. He wrote all his property to the people of Russia during his last days. His wife was completely against this idea. She would fight with him and behave like a hysteric woman. Even though he loved his wife, he never gave up his decision to donate all the money to people. Even it meant, leaving his own house. He had some devoted disciples and followers who took care of him and when his health deteriorated, he was given a place in the Railway station in southern Russia to stay. People say that even Mahatma Gandhi was influenced by his principles and they used to correspond through letters. And yet he was so humble, modest, full of love and down to earth.  

Leo Tolstoy, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther king, these are the people who believed in just one simple Principle “Passive Resistance” or “Non-Violence”.  Whole world followed them in their fight and in their belief.  May be 1947 was the last time in India when people spoke about non-violence and 1910 in Russia(Death of Leo Tolstoy) We no longer have leaders who strive and struggle for the benefit of the society. There is no point for us to sit and wait for the world to change in the hands of our so called leaders.Once Leo Tolstoy asked a group of people “Do you think I am the future of this Country? No. you are the future of this country”. We, the people of this earth are responsible for all the war and peace here.

Each one of us have the potential to bring change in this world. Believe in a principle. Follow that to every word, no matter who opposes you, no matter how much you are ridiculed. You may get one person who may understand you at first, then the word may spread and one more person may join and yet another. Let the snowball roll. Let the butterfly effect begin.. All we need to do is just flap our wings…

Is Anybody There?

Last Sunday I watched this movie “Is Anybody There?”.  Awesome performance by Bill Milner and Michael Caine. The movie is about the friendship which grows between a retired magician and a 10 year old boy whose parents run an old age home. The boy is obsessed with ghosts and life after death. He is also unhappy that his house is filled with old people. But his parents explain to him that because of their financial problems, they have no other go other than running this home.  An old retired magician by the name Clarence comes to their old age home reluctantly. He has lost his wife and grieves for her, every single minute of his life. Initially, the boy, Edward is very angry that this old man has taken over his room and they do not get along. Slowly the antagonism between them turns in to friendship. Clarence teaches the kid, some magic tricks, asks him to socialise with living beings rather than being interested in dead people. At the same time, the kid helps Clarence to achieve peace with his past.

It is amazing how our mind plays tricks on us. When we are kids, we have a wonderful imagination, life of fantasies and dreams. As we grow old, we start to realise that these are just in our imagination. Real life very much different. And may be when we are at the dusk of our life, we are either bitter or boring.  When we are young, we don’t understand what old people are going through. So many years of hardship has made them what they are now. But funny thing is we forget that one day we will be that old. One day we may also turn grumpy. At the same time, when people grow old, they forget that they were kids once. Sometimes, looking at situations with a curious eye and a simple mind like a kid helps to solve lot of complex problems.

There is a child in every old man and an old man is growing in every child...

Being Single!

Today, I was reading this article about enjoying your life being single.

Then I thought, being single is not as tough as you think. I was discussing with one of my friends today and I got to know that this friend of mine thinks that getting in to a marriage is like getting in to the "moha"(Delusion). May be a vicious circle. I am not against marriage or people being together, but we are not sure what we are getting in to. Human mind is very complex and very unpredictable. No matter how much you know a person, there comes a time when this person acts in a complete strange way which may overwhelm us, or disappoint us or even hurt us. But again, marriages are all about compromise. Either being single or committed, everything comes with a list of Pros and Cons.

As I am a single woman and I like to be optimistic, I just wanted to write down some benefits of being Single.

Benefits of being single (Enjoy While it lasts!):

1. After your office hours and during weekends you are free as a bird, you don't have to do what your spouse/bf/gf says. You can make your own plans.

2. You don’t have to be accountable for anyone for anything you do. You can get up any time you want, wear whatever you like, go for a walk, sit and watch your favourite movie/serial how many ever times you want.

3. You can talk to any one you wish to, without feeling guilty.

4. You can just sit and read whole day without getting disturbed by anyone.

5. You can be online, any time of the day or night, no one will question you. (At least not with authority)

6. There is no space for getting hurt because your spouse/bf/gf behaved in a certain way or said certain things.

7. And there is always this uncertainty of the future (as you don’t know who your spouse is going to be) which makes life so interesting.

The list goes on.. Overall being single brings you freedom of speech, thought and deed...

P.S. I am not against marriage, but I am against getting married just for the sake of "Log Kya Kahenge".

World of Dimensions

Today when I was watching my favourite TV series FRIENDS, one of the main characters in the series, Rachel yells at Monica Geller and her brother Ross Geller when they both try to involve her in their fight. She says, "I refuse to get sucked in to your weird Geller Dimension". That phrase "Geller Dimension" caught my attention. All of us live in our own dimension. We have this world

which we have created  around us.We are comfortable in that. We love to live in that.

But there are people who also live in their own dimension, but suck you in to theirs. Once you are in their dimension, you start seeing things their way, you pursue things like they do. Now, as long as this dimension is comfortable, it's good. But this will start to suffocate you one day. You lose your identity. You have left your space and entered another’s. Now does not matter how hospitable this is, it will feel foreign one day, or they will start making you feel foreign. Now that you are inside this, there is no easy way getting out of it.

There is one more kind of dimension thing which happens to all of us.People who are experiencing extreme bad mood or extreme good mood have the ability to suck you very easily in to their dimension. If they are in a good mood, then it's a treat to be sucked in to that dimension but if they are not, then it's a hell. Automatically, your normal dimension is gone and you are inside an awful dimension and whether you want it or not, you have to go through the repercussions.

The negative dimensions are stronger than the positive ones. So please stay away. Don't even go near them. They will suck you like a vacuum cleaner (although vacuum cleaner is doing a good thing, this sucking isn't). Have your own identity. Live in your dimension, let only those people inside, whom you can trust and do not let other people influence you in to, getting in their dimension. Our space is always our space. It’s our creation, it’s our home. And nowhere else we can feel at home except in our own home..

Benne Biscuit

When I was a kid, there was a small grocery shop near our house. The shop keeper would have these delicious biscuits in a dabba(box) on the display. Every day on our way to school we used to look at those biscuits with our mouths watering. We used to beg our parents, pester them to give us 50 paisa so that we can buy those benne biscuits.After constant nagging for a week or so, we would get 50 paisa and our benne biscuit. I don't know why they call it benne biscuit. Benne in Kannada means butter. So I'm assuming,one of the main ingredients of the biscuit was butter. Once we give 50 paisa to the shop keeper and take out one benne biscuit from the dabba, it's all ours. Before going into the mouth, it would get all our admiration and attention. Then, slowly we would keep it in the mouth, and enjoy every crumb, every bit of it and that moment used to be so special, and that day would go great. That was the power of one biscuit on our mind and on our life. Ha..Sweet memories..

Yesterday I was in the Supermarket. A packet of benne biscuits near the billing counter,caught my eye and immediately I went and got it for billing. I took it home and thought I can have it, the next day during tea time as I had lot of things to worry about that moment. Today during tea time, I was hungry, wanted to eat something and suddenly remembered the biscuits I had bought.I opened the packet of benne biscuits and had 4 to 5 of them.Suddenly I noticed, my mouth was busy eating biscuit but my mind was wandering somewhere else. Work life tension, personal life tension. Thinking of getting settled. thinking of all the bad things which happened to me and are happening. I thought,What has happened to me?  If that shop of my childhood was there now ,near my house, I can afford the whole dabba of benne biscuits.But that biscuit will not make my day..that biscuit will not make the moment special...That biscuit has lost the power of magic on me.Or wait a minute..is it just me who has lost the power to enjoy small things in life??

The Art of Writing

Do you think writing may become an art one day?

Everything is becoming so much electronic nowadays, we type emails, we type text messages. send voice messages. We video chat. Schools have become computerised. Kids nowadays can understand and play with any electronic gadget as easy as we used to play with our toys.

So I am thinking, if this goes like this, one day we may get to see books in museums and writing may become an art. Our future generation may look at handwritten papers and wonder how people used to do this everyday,. They may even find it very artistic and creative.

I personally wouldn't want to live in that world. there is no comparison whatsoever for the feel you get with books, and papers and  writing, real time writing,. The smell of the paper, the ink and the direct flow of emotions, the way you get connected with your book. It's amazing, I wouldn't trade that with anything else.

Respect is a two way street

Today, one of my friends told me that, "People not picking up the call is a common behaviour".  I thought about that and found that to be true. I have seen people who ignore the calls, cut the calls and then say they were busy. They don’t even bother to give a call back. There are some people who call you only when they need your help, favour or just when they do not have anyone to talk to.

For all those people who think that they are really important, Dude! get some perspective. There are more than 7 billion people in the world and this particular person chose you. That is Universe's way of telling you something , that is Universe's way of knocking at your door. No matter how trivial and small the other person may look like, there is always something to learn from everyone if you have an eye for knowledge and a heart that understands. We think we are doing a favour, when we pick someone's call from whom we have nothing to gain. But the truth is, they are doing us a favour, these people put you in the position which you are assuming you are in. Imagine one day, everyone stops calling you, or stop picking your call. People say they want to be left alone. They like solitude. I do not understand that. If you like solitude so much, then please go and live in the forest. Why are you here? ; Amidst the chaos of the society. Human beings are social animals and we are programmed that way. I don’t think anyone can deny that.

People say they were busy, so they could not pick up the call. I keep wondering, may be he/she was in the middle of a major surgery which involved saving a person's life or may be was in the Line Of Control amongst the bombings, saving our nation. Come on! You can't possibly be as busy as these people right? How long does it take to pick a call, say that you will call them back as soon as you are free. Sometimes, people may be in a meeting or on another call, or cooking or doing some other work. That is understandable as long as they acknowledge your call or give you a call back. I am talking about people who ignore your calls on purpose. Funny thing is, these people find it offensive, when you or someone else does the same to them.

Someone is coming to you, to talk to you, to find some happiness in life just by talking to you. All you need is some time and a listening ear. Karma has its own way of playing games. I have doen this in my past. Ignoring a person,  and then longing to listen to that person at a later point of time. I have learnt lessons from people whom I thought are the most boring people or the most stupid people.

So the bottom line is, no matter how important you think you are, or how unimportant the other person is, we need to remember one thing that is, every human being in this world is Unique and significant. And “Respect is a two way street”.